"Ms. Schmied-Wolfsbauer, my boss said that if I got a coach to help me, it could be interpreted as weakness as a manager. That's why he doesn't want to pay me for coaching" - this sentence came up recently during one of my strategy discussions.
Even managers need to get help from time to time when they are stuck
I was asked by an experienced, long-standing and very structured manager how she should deal with three different employees. Because she had reached her limits in dealing with them. She simply didn't know what to do. Had already tried a few things. Unfortunately without success.
And was now looking for advice
- to motivate each individual employee in the best possible way
- to keep productivity in the team high
- to achieve the set goals at the end of the day
- to continue working successfully as a manager.
Seeking help and taking advantage of coaching can be interpreted as a manager's weakness!?!?????
I can't get this thought out of my head.
I have the following in mind:
I go to the dentist when I have a toothache and my hole in my tooth needs to be closed again.
I watch a video on YouTube to get help because I don't know what to do with Excel.
I read the instructions for assembling a new Billy shelf because I want to stack my books into it as quickly as possible.
Am I showing weakness if I get support and help? Because I want to get rid of my toothache, for example?
Here's what I'm wondering right now:
- Should I perhaps plug my hole in my tooth myself? Or would it be better to let trained experts cure my pain, who definitely have a better (over)view of my mouth?
- Should I spend hours getting annoyed and practise and learn every new programming language in depth in order to find the solution myself? Or would I be better off getting a few tips from the Internet that will get me to my goal faster?
- Should I work frantically on the innocent boards on the shelf with a screwdriver in one hand and a hammer in the other and spend hours looking for a solution as to how they fit together?
No.
I take the quicker and easier route. I get competent and solution-oriented help to find a solution quickly.
Regardless of whether it's pain relief or operating instructions. Anything else just wastes time. Nerves are on edge. Sleepless nights await. Stomach nerves cramp up. Anxiety, maybe even panic attacks take over.
"Well, get on with it..."
This sentence wastes a lot of time and potential. It leaves a perplexed face with a furrowed brow. Let's not kid ourselves: Familiarizing yourself and trying things out takes time and reduces productivity. The will to learn is slowed down. No one is there or willing to take the time to explain the facts.
Perhaps this very thought is running through your head: "But our new managers are paid for an external seminar as a basis!" Yes, eh. This is a laudable thought. But is a 2-day seminar at the weekend enough to learn complex management tasks and be able to call them up with pinpoint accuracy?
From my own experience, I can answer with a clear "NO" from the bottom of my heart.
Even long-standing managers are not immune to sitting in front of the monitor with glazed eyes and a blank stare, simply not knowing what to do. Blackout. Thinking clearly? Fiddlesticks.
Unfortunately, there are still bosses who see a request for further training and development as a weakness. And wave it off. Who don't believe in continuous support. Who occasionally buy seminars and offer them to everyone.
But does that really help?
Does everyone in the management team really feel that they are being met? Does every manager really have the opportunity to develop individually? To make their own adjustments and to reflect on and improve their own actions (again and again)? To get feedback on leadership qualities, the right decisions and efficient employee management? Regular professional support to reflect from a helicopter position?
It is crucial for successful and confident leadership behavior to think outside the box and discard counterproductive behavior. If someone has been traveling in the same old waters for a very long time, they will hardly dare to try something new. And the phrase "we've always done it this way" leaves no room for contradiction. After all, the familiar is much easier to handle.
So is asking for help a sign of weakness for managers? Definitely: No!
Because a coach uses solution-oriented questions to encourage reflection. Practices a specific situation with the manager. For example, practicing a conversation situation with a difficult employee. Gives tips on how to conduct a meeting successfully. To name just a few points.
That's why I recommend that every next-highest manager either becomes a successful coach for their team themselves or initiates an individual coaching process externally. So that every single manager (regardless of whether they have just been appointed or already have many years under their belt) can lead their department and team successfully and confidently over the next few years.
